Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night
Limbo champion walks into a bar…he’s disqualified.
I once put red bull in my morning coffee… after 20 minutes on the highway I noticed I forgot my car at home.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is a little lighter.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.