I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday. People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don’t want to see a band called “Parking Violation” at the “Courthouse.” I looked at the eclipse through a colander and strained my eyes. To the woman that won the powerball … “what’s up baby” There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants. Not to brag, but, I’ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.